It has been a couple of days since my husband got me from the Psychiatric Ward of Medical City.
What could have been anything from a nervous breakdown, to a vacation away from home, to detoxing, happened in a little more than a week's time.
I shut down. I lost hope. I lost sight of what matters most in life. I gave up on myself, on my family, on my dreams.
Thing is, I really did almost lose my sanity. Surprisingly, you can talk to the other folk in the Psychiatric Ward, who treat the ward as sort of a rehabilitation facility, detoxing themselves from their deadly vices, like suicide or drugs.
But, the thing was, the everydayness of the things you have to do, I kept running back and forth from nurse to nurse to ask if I can watch TV or for what I can do next.
And, what hurt the most, was to be in an arts and crafts activity and just wanting to sleep through it.
I hated reading and arts and crafts in there, which are basically my two most favorite things in the world. I just wanted to sleep my life away in there.
So why am I sharing this with you, o stranger or dear friend visiting my blog?
Just to let you know, it hurts a lot to lose hope in life, whether you're a mom or not.
I can't say "don't let it happen", because, obviously, it happened to me.
But I wanted to let you know that, even in the most desperate of moments, you go back to what matters most -- and for each person, it's a different thing.
I can't give up hope on myself, because it kills my most beautiful dreams. And my most beautiful dreams are not selfish, if anything, it boils down to making my son achieve his most beautiful dreams, and for my husband and myself to dream of a beautiful adventure for our family.
It goes back to love and hope and all the wonderful things in the world.
Find your personal dream. And make it come true.
Because there are more than enough dead stars out there in the night sky. And our most beautiful dreams can make them light up, one by one.