Saturday, April 7, 2012

When a Mom gives up hope

It has been a couple of days since my husband got me from the Psychiatric Ward of Medical City.

What could have been anything from a nervous breakdown, to a vacation away from home, to detoxing, happened in a little more than a week's time.

I shut down. I lost hope. I lost sight of what matters most in life. I gave up on myself, on my family, on my dreams.

Thing is, I really did almost lose my sanity. Surprisingly, you can talk to the other folk in the Psychiatric Ward, who treat the ward as sort of a rehabilitation facility, detoxing themselves from their deadly vices, like suicide or drugs.

But, the thing was, the everydayness of the things you have to do, I kept running back and forth from nurse to nurse to ask if I can watch TV or for what I can do next.

And, what hurt the most, was to be in an arts and crafts activity and just wanting to sleep through it.

I hated reading and arts and crafts in there, which are basically my two most favorite things in the world. I just wanted to sleep my life away in there.

So why am I sharing this with you, o stranger or dear friend visiting my blog?

Just to let you know, it hurts a lot to lose hope in life, whether you're a mom or not.

I can't say "don't let it happen", because, obviously, it happened to me.

But I wanted to let you know that, even in the most desperate of moments, you go back to what matters most -- and for each person, it's a different thing.

I can't give up hope on myself, because it kills my most beautiful dreams. And my most beautiful dreams are not selfish, if anything, it boils down to making my son achieve his most beautiful dreams, and for my husband and myself to dream of a beautiful adventure for our family.

It goes back to love and hope and all the wonderful things in the world.

Find your personal dream. And make it come true.

Because there are more than enough dead stars out there in the night sky. And our most beautiful dreams can make them light up, one by one.

7 comments:

  1. NIna!!! I wish I can just hug you! I can not imagine, nor even pretend to imagine, what you've been through. You are a very brave woman. Oh, please change that. Let me call you FIERCE. I'm just glad you're back though, or at least trying to be. I haven't really come to a point where I feel like I have to switch to "sleep mode" or "shut down" but if it happens, I'll just let it be. Whenever I'm ready, there's always reboot. I'm not saying it will be easy but I'll surely be back. Hugs!!

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  2. Nina, I wish I knew. I wish I coud have done something. Praying for you my dear friend. Each of us faces difficult times, each of us responds to them differently. I just pray that you will have peace, a quietness of the soul. Remember Nina, when all hope is gone, turn to the one person who can give it back to you. It's so timely because it's the lenten season. Jesus Christ came and died for us once, 2 thousand years ago. He didn't stay dead. He resurrected on the third day, to give us hope. To show us that suffering is temporary. To show us that we have an eternal life with our Father in heaven. When your strength fails, when you feel lost, when hope is gone, turn to God. Praying for you Nina. And please, if you want to have a chat, call me.

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  3. Lifting you up in prayer, sweet friend.

    My God richly bless you with the care you need.

    Sending loads of love your way.

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  4. Nina, you might not know it but there were also times when I thought I needed to "shut down", if only for awhile. I understand you ... I hear you and I know you are a strong person. I know too that even "strong people" needed to be scared at times and almost on the verge of giving up. I wouldn't really know what happened but I know you'll get by. I hope we're neighbors so we can always chat and scrap. But then, we're not. But I'm always a phone call away, just so you know that you have friends : ) Hugs to you, sis! God is good all the time!

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  5. Hi Nina, just read this now. Hugs and prayers to you, my friend. If I could give you an injection of hope, I would. Sometimes we need to switch off so that when we are "on" again, we burn brightly. So just take this as another episode in life that makes you stronger than ever. Take care. And remember, you are loved.

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  6. never knew it would come to this point. my last reading on your blog was the washi tape and you inspired me to make use of those... i really did not know or really, nobody knew it could be this hard for you. but im glad you went through the treatments and bravely admitted yourself there. i hope that your life will be full of hope after this. i am always here if you need to vent out and though we rarely see each other nowadays, even in events/classes, feel free to reach me. promise me that okay?

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  7. HI Nina. I just read this now. For some reason, I lost the links of my favorite blogs (including you!) on my blog and since then, haven't been reading much. I guess, I can also say that I needed some time to "shut down". Like you and like most of us, I, too, have been and is going through some tough times to the point I wish I will no longer wake up the next morning. But seeing my kids while sleeping, I knew that there is HOPE. I cannot just give up now...I've come a long way and I want to see my kids grow and become the persons God has intended them to be. I admire you for the courage to admit that you need help. Its the first step. And we are all here for you..just an fb/blog away. You may also want to check out joelosteen.com Take care.

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