"At times the reaction of the personality becomes intensified to the extent of causing the individual to actually deny the value and even the reality of his recent experience. Doubts and criticism enter his mind, and he is tempted to regard the whole thing as an illusion, a fantasy, or an emotional intoxication. He becomes bitter and sarcastic, ridicules himself and others, and even turns his back on his higher ideals and aspirations. Yet, try as he may, he cannot return to his old state; he has seen the vision, and its beauty and power to attract remain with him in spite of his efforts to suppress it. He cannot accept everyday life as before, or be satisfied with it. A 'divine homesickness' haunts him and leaves him no peace."
- pp. 39-40, Spiritual Emergency: When Personal Transformation Becomes a Crisis by Stanislav Grof and Christina Grof
"St. John of the Cross uses words curiously similar in speaking of the experience which he called 'the dark night of the soul':
The self is in the dark because it is blinded by a light greater than it can bear... As eyes weakened and clouded suffer pain when the clear light beats upon them, so the soul, by reason of its impurity, suffers exceedingly when the Divine Light really shines upon it. And when the rays of this pure Light shine upon the soul in order to expel impurities, the soul perceives itself to be so unclean and miserable that it seems as if God had set Himself against it and itself were set against God."
- p. 40, ibid
"It is as though he had made a superb flight to the sunlit mountain top, realized its glory and the beauty of the panorama spread below, but had been brought back, reluctantly, with the rueful recognition that the steep path to the heights must be climbed step by step."
- p. 41, ibid
* I have to keep remembering. I have to keep trying. I have to remember what's important.
If I don't, then all that pain and humiliation and suffering would have been for nothing.
I really, really wish I had a copy of "Cloud Atlas".