Tuesday, March 11, 2014

School year 2014

I used to have a gift of sorts. Call it intuition or maybe just some odd computer wiring in the brain that can estimate when things are supposed to or will happen.

When Matt was homeschooling exclusively, and it wasn't doing so well anymore (we crashed and burned while using the PACEs system), I estimated that he should be in regular school when he reached Grade 3.

Well, Matt is 9, and should be in Grade 3 but because of so many delays, illnesses, travel, and family issues, I decided he was only ready for Grade 2 this year.

And, instead of regular school, he's enrolled in a blended learning program.

I'll be honest. It's out of my hands now. Matt and I have given homeschooling our best shot and we were just getting more and more left behind.

Sadly, if we had the tuition fee to enroll him back in 2012 and we had not been going through our biggest trial as a family, and my own trial personally, Matt would have been able to start on the right foot with the new K-12 program.

There's nothing much you can do with regret but feel bad and feel guilty. But I also cannot apologize for how our life unfolded, knowing full well I did what I could.

Maybe it didn't make me into a winner. Maybe I'm just like Garfield, the classic underachiever. 

But I also know there is more to life than just beating yourself up for past mistakes. That's what's being human's all about. Live and learn. As they say, life is the hardest test. Life gives you the exam first before the lessons.

I'm now trying to learn to quelch my protests and whining. As much as I just want to go back to homeschooling, nobody is on my side anymore.

And, as much as it pains me to admit it, Matt is happier now and is getting the education he needs. I don't see it as a failure on both our parts, that homeschooling didn't work for us. If anything, homeschooling has taught us to keep learning, to keep evolving. When homeschooling by itself no longer worked for us, God listened and responded by giving us a school that was perfect for Matt. I really can't complain.

Am I looking forward to handing over the reigns of Matt's education to someone else? No. Am I looking forward to battling it out every morning just to get a taxi out of Pasig? No. Do I look forward to trudging to school rain or shine? No.

But it seems I have been outvoted. And God is asking me to let Him take care of things. As He always has.

I surrender, God. Let Your will be done.

And thank You for all the people around us, Dada included, who love and take care of Matt.

One of my ideals/goals in homeschooling was basic: For Matt to learn what he needs to know and to be happy while learning. Happy learning, I guess.

And if I can't solely give that to him anymore, I guess I need to be a little less greedy and start sharing him with a bigger circle. The rest of the world? Well, that can wait.

May God always lead the way. Amen.

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