Saturday, May 27, 2017

Padayon

I am typing this post on my phone. I will probably edit this post later on to add photos and links, but I wanted to post this before I end up procrastinating again and end up not writing anything.

Today was an ordinary day. The sun couldn't quite decide if it was going to shine or hide behind rainclouds but in a function room at Club Filipino in Greenhills, it felt like our little family just took a giant leap forward.

Padayon. Not sure but I think it's the Visayan term for "moving on" or "moving forward."

Today was Leap Day or the moving up ceremony of the Blended Learning Center. And it was the last official event of the school that Matt will participate in as a student.

Honestly, it took a lot of motivation just to finish the schoolyear. Ever since Matt took the PEPT early this year and found out he passed Grades 3 to 6, and was eligible to enroll in Grade 7 next schoolyear, it was hard to still get up early in the morning and face the trudge through traffic going from Pasig to Cubao.

Matt had to deliver a speech and no wonder his topic was friendship. If there was a school devoted to fostering friendship, that would be the best place for Matt. (We'll see how it goes in high school. He's going to the Pasig branch of APEC and I've heard that classes are usually conducted by groupwork.) 

On a personal note, I've given up trying to write my novel. And that alone made me never want to get up from bed ever again. Why? It's kind of hard to explain since I'm still wary of the whole spiritual emergency thing I went through and would go through yearly. (Last year was the first year I didn't have one since 2012.) But I guess that's one reason right there.

I was seeing an art therapist at the beginning of the year. And she also has her third eye open. And she told me if I didn't stop writing my novel, my spiritual emergencies might continue, or worse, have a negative impact on Matt, whether in the form of a spiritual attack or psychologically (Just how my frequent hospitalization affected him, I will never know. I just hope he is okay and will continue to be, God willing.)

And, lastly, and I have to just admit the God's honest embarassing truth. I couldn't write it. I just couldn't. I tried but I failed. Again and again and again.

I guess I'd built up this perfect novel in my head that I just knew I was going to fail at my own very unrealistic perfectionist expectations. So, now, I am trying to move forward from there.

I have some business ideas that AR and I've been brainstorming about but, sadly, none that have pushed through either.

So, first step of moving on, I guess, is to assess where we are now. Second step is to be grateful that we got this far to begin with.

I don't want to share the overwhelming thank you's I expressed in a Facebook post because the people who needed to hear them, heard them too.

But I guess I owe a thank you to anyone who's reading this right now too. Whoever you are, if you're reading this, whether you just stumbled on my blog by accident or just stumbled on this post, thank you for reading this.

Know that life has a funny way of working things out, even if in the midst of darkness, you thought you'd never make it out alive from the storm. If you survived a storm, congratulations. You made it. For this infinitesimal time you spend reading this, you and I made it together.

1 comment:

  1. Very well said and bravely so, to bare your soul to the world! That is one strength u have, aside from self-awareness and acceptance. Ur all set on whatever u may want to go after. Just here to support and dream with u. The kits face me everyday by the phone. Let's c Gamez/ Papemelroti asap. Forwarding notes from Sanlakbay Gabay on selfcare, too for the diary. On to our parallel adventure with Matt at APEC!!!

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